If you have noticed a change in your partner’s behaviour recently and it has left you feeling insecure and paranoid, then this article is for you. When someone you love suddenly shirks away from you or becomes withdrawn, it is easy to overthink and become worried for your shared future. Before you start doing that, however, you should attempt to “right the ship”, says relationship expert Monica Parikh of School of Love NYC.
This means identifying any acts that repeatedly trigger your partner. For example, if they demand space, then give it to them. Do not actively pursue someone who is withdrawing from you – it does more bad than good. However, if you are sure that it is your partner who is doing wrong then there are two options. First, take some time off and get away from them, so that you can reduce the power they have over you (kind of like a relationship detox). Second, move on to a healthier relationship with a less toxic person.
While this may sound easier said than done, the most important thing you can do is to trust your instincts. If something seems “off” about your relationship, then it definitely is. So, keep a look out for these 10 signs that will very clearly indicate to you what exactly your partner thinks of you.
There is a decrease in the expression of their love for you, both vocal and physical. You find that there are a lot of things that they used to do in the early days of your marriage that they do not do anymore. They may be little acts like giving you unexpected hugs, holding and squeezing your hand or simply saying that they love you. You find yourself having to initiate physical contact. You frequently only hear a rehearsed, robotic “I love you too” and they are never comfortable with physical displays of affection.
Your partner is constantly in their thoughts, which usually revolve around someone else. They are no longer interested in your life and what is happening in it. If you notice them talk animatedly about someone they know but you don’t, then try bringing up that person after some period of time has passed. If your partner appears uncomfortable or refrains from talking about them further, then that may be a sign that that person may have overtaken you in your significant other’s priority list. They don’t like talking about them in front of you because of guilt. Of course, there could also be the chance that they don’t feel that guilt in the first place and often bring that person in your conversations. Other signs include being constantly using their phone, texting or calling someone you don’t know and being irate when interrogated about it.
You discover that, all of a sudden, you two don’t have much to talk about. When you are alone together, you are more comfortable using your tablet or reading your magazine than conversing with your partner. You may run out of topics to talk about or you may find that neither of you are interested in each other’s lives. You may also avoid talking altogether because whenever you do, it ends with conflict and negative feedback.
A common habit that you have noticed is that your partner is fond of blaming you for just about everything. Especially in those cases where they are clearly at fault, they shift the blame onto you somehow. If they drop a vase and break it, for example, they will say it was because you were distracting them. Or if are performing badly at work, they will say it is because you don’t treat them well enough at home. This is their way of projecting their own weaknesses onto you and making themselves feel better. In this case, absolutely do not believe them and start blaming yourself. A toxic relationship seeks to break you from the inside first.
You find it harder and harder to support each other in both major and minor affairs. You notice a change in your partner’s willingness to take your side in front of others or listening to your opinion. Similarly, you also feel less eager to be involved in your partner’s affairs or interests. Every time you interact, it leads to frustration and blame.
Your partner has lost interest in staying at home. They come back from work increasingly late, citing excuses that range from work meetings to hang outs with friends. If they are tight-lipped about who exactly they were out with and where, it might be a sign that they would rather spend the majority of their day with anyone but you.
Notice how your partner talks about his future plans. If they never mention or involve you in them, that’s a clear indicator that they don’t expect you to be in their future. For them, the ideal situation is one in which they don’t have you around. Do not try to convince your partner that you matter – rather, prove it by leaving them and making them realize what life without you is really like.
Your partner disregards all the good moments and memories you have shared together and stay fixated on only the bad ones. They have no respect for you anymore, whether it be your opinion, work, looks or personality. They constantly voice their disapproval and belittle your feelings and emotions. Sometimes, it seems that their sole motive is to make you feel bad about yourself.
They feel no obligation to explain themselves after anything they do or say. This tells you that you have no significant importance to them anymore. You have no power or influence over them whatsoever, so they think they are able to do whatever they want without justifying their actions.
It’s not easy to admit that you’re in a toxic relationship. But if you notice certain repetitive, poisonous behaviours such as lying and cheating, it’s time you stood up for yourself. If your partner leaves you feeling unsatisfied, unfulfilled, unhappy and unloved, you should get out of the relationship as soon as you can. Throw away all thoughts and hopes that your partner will magically change and begin to appreciate you again. Your only choice is to take control of your love life and start anew. It’ll be good for both of you.